Watch your step.
I Tripped on the (Polyamorous) Missing Stair
We are a group of women and nonbinary folks who have experienced relational harm from Franklin Veaux, co-author of More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Polyamory and The Game Changer: A Memoir of Disruptive Love—a man who has been recognized as a leader and spokesperson in polyamory and has a pattern of using his social capital to cause harm. This site holds our stories.
This movement grew out of the 2019 “Polyamory #metoo” callout of Franklin, and this site is managed by several of the people he harmed. Please read our Medium post about that process.
You may hear interviews with five of us as a group on the Probably Poly and Life on the Swingset podcasts.
Our Stories: With Franklin Veaux
Franklin has told his stories about us for 30 years. Now we’re telling ours. Click on a name or image for complete testimonies.
Documented with the assistance of Louisa Leontiades and Kali Tal.
“And it was the way he looked to me in the eye and told me, ‘You don’t know what I’m capable of doing.”‘
“Something he told me unsolicited—that if he had met me first he wasn’t sure that he would have been poly.”
“For me, it was a shitty, disrespectful and neglectful relationship with a lot of trauma that I have never really processed, and [have] mostly been trying to outrun for years.”
“I would also frequently be upset to find out he was dating someone intensely that I had no idea about.”
“I remember sitting on the top of a parking deck and thinking, ‘I could just be done with this if I drove my car off the side of the parking deck.’”
“I remember having that awkward, like, ‘I’m turning someone down. And they’re not giving up.”
“There’s this whole concept of, you need to be ‘advanced’ to be in a relationship with me… Which is actually, no, you need to have thick skin to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t actually know how to empathize with you.”
“He always said that it was him making the decision, and not because of his partners’ discomfort. But he always made a point of letting me know how uncomfortable his partners were.”
“He put me in a group chat with him and ‘April’ where they were being very overtly flirtatious in front of me and teasing each other sexually in ways that I never consented to. And I’m not really into group stuff.”
Analysis and Commentary
We welcome analysis from outside researchers and will link to it here as appropriate. See our contact page for information on how to work with us.
• Polyamory-metoo, Louisa Leontiades’s research site supporting our testimonies.
• “‘My Life Belongs to Me’: Reading the Polyamory Narratives of Franklin Veaux Against the Relationship Testimony of Two of His Ex-Nesting Partners,” by Kali Tal
• “Abuse in Polyamory: Franklin Veaux and Polyamorous Protectionism,” by Mainely Mandy
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If think you or someone you know is being abused, contact The Network/La Red at tnlr.org, (800) 832-1901. If you are concerned that you might be abusive, consult the advice on this page.
For other resources and stories on polyamorous abuse, visit this page. If you think you might be in a cult, start here.